Science & Technology

THE perfect vagina would have a built-in video player with a cheese and onion crisp dispenser attached to it, men said last night.

The first virus to infect the Apple iPhone will greatly increase the chance of somebody talking to you about their iPhone, IT experts warned last night.

色情 is the Chinese for pornography, the internet regulator confirmed last night.

A NEW interpretation of the Bible suggests that God did not create the Earth, but stumbled upon it while looking for a magazine.

SCIENTISTS have discovered the world's first Guardian-reading spider and are already bored of its never-ending torrent of opinions about everything.

RUSSELL Brand is having furtive, unsatisfying sex with you right now, it has emerged.

SEARCH engine giant Google has opened trials of GoogleFrot, a new application designed to create a global network of simultaneous groin-rubbing.

THERE were fresh demands last night for the rest of the world's clowns to be fired into orbit immediately.

SCIENTISTS have claimed that the moon could support middle-class life forms after the discovery of a crater containing a Pizza Express and an excellent primary school.

A MANNED mission to Swindon touched down successfully last night near the town's factory outlet village.