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'Lively contributor' = 'Never shuts the f**k up': your guide to school report euphemisms

TEACHERS are no longer allowed to tell you your child is stupid. Here’s how to read between the lines of their end-of-term report: 

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Middle-class twats postpone 'holibobs' until autumn

ALL the middle-class twats have decided to collectively postpone their holibobs until October half-term, they have confirmed. 

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