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Scottish crown jewels revealed to be a tam o' shanter stuffed with Buckfast and shortbread

THE mysterious Scottish crown jewels presented to King Charles yesterday are in fact a tartan hat with a bottle of super-strength tonic wine and some biscuits inside.

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I have privileged access to Taylor Swift tickets for six lucky Daily Mash readers, by Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg

SUFFERING undue concern in regard to attendance at Miss Swift’s upcoming Eras tour in the UK? Agonise no further. I, Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg, may help.

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