Politics

THE inquiry into the Iraq war will leave out parts of the transcript where Tony Blair and George W Bush were exchanging bedroom intimacies.

DAVID Cameron has used cutlery to slice a bacon roll into fine slivers.

HUGE crowds demanding the resignation of Nick Clegg have gathered in London for demonstrations being called the 'English Spring'.

PARTY leaders are to meet with prejudiced nans after it emerged they were responsible for the UKIP landslide.

NICK Clegg has refused to resign as Lib Dem leader but has admitted he is absolutely shit at it.

ALL schools will teach Michael Gove’s self-published novels about talking dragons and happy housewives.

THAT not-voting thing has worked out brilliantly, Britain has told Russell Brand.

NEWLY elected UKIP councillors across the country are ready to be wholly powerless to act on immigration and EU membership.

BRITAIN is wondering what impact UKIP’s electoral success could possibly have on the Conservative Party.

BRITISH voters have woken up this morning mortified about what they got up to at yesterday's elections.