Celebrity

MILLIONAIRE chef Jamie Oliver has attacked Britain's drinking culture and urged people to forget their troubles by sniffing some really fresh basil.

TV presenter Kate Garraway last night pledged to pump her milk into anything that can suck it.

KERRY Katona will be doing all her shopping at Iceland from now on, the bankrupt star revealed last night. 

GLAM rock paedophile Gary Glitter has refused to return to the United Kingdom, insisting British children are far too fat and ugly.

A SPECTACULAR new photo shoot by glamour model Katie Price has revealed the echoing chasm at the centre of her being.

WEST END sensation Ruthie Henshall last night apologised for the confusion over her royal love affair, stressing that she obviously meant Prince Andrew.

MOST Britons believe the Royal Family is entitled to its privacy, as soon as it hands back all the money and at least two of the palaces.

THE SAS is to spend three weeks with Prince William and Kate Middleton as the young couple embarks on a series of exciting new sex games.

AMY Winehouse visited the toilet of her North London home last night and emerged three minutes later after a textbook piss, according to friends.

HUMAN calculator Carol Vorderman was asked to take a pay cut in direct proportion to her loss of attractiveness, it was claimed last night.