Politics

DAVID Cameron has become the latest Tory to receive a sound beating at the hands of the police.

CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.

BRITAIN'S national debt will rise from No Way to Christ On A Bike, chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday.

GORDON Brown will today gamble on you buying things you don't need because they are slightly cheaper, and then believing that rich people are going to pay for it all.

GORDON Brown and David Cameron were incredibly embarrassing yesterday.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown was going around last night totally thinking he's the Fonz.

PETER Mandelson last night admitted he was probably undermining the prime minister every time he opens his mouth.

BRITAIN breathed sigh of relief last night as Tory leader David Cameron said he had a plan.

THE Tories last night staked their claim as the party of economic competence by locking former chancellor Norman Lamont in a great big box.

OPUS Dei transport secretary Ruth Kelly is to resign from the cabinet to spend more time with that spikey chain thing they strap round the top of their thighs.