Science & Technology

EXPERTS today warned of the consequences of superfast internet crashing headlong into Britain's superslow brains.

NASA scientists have discovered life that can survive at the bottom of an arsenic-filled lake and publish a daily newspaper

MANKIND'S introduction to extra-terrestrial life will be a series of lewd, unprovoked insults from Jonathan Ross.

HUMAN reproduction is invariably based on love and a deep longing to create something unique and beautiful, it was confirmed last night.

EXTRA-terrestrials are reaching out to the idle working class after a craft shaped like a high-fat snack was sighted over Dudley.

MICROSOFT has launched a new games system in a bid to dominate the market in embarrassing, movement-based fun for middle-aged losers.

ART experts have uncovered a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in the corner of Constable's 'The Hay Wain', prompting claims that it could be evidence of time travel.

EARLY man often indulged in intolerable behaviour similar to that of modern-day pricks, it has emerged.

HOPES of intelligent life on planet Gliese 581g were dashed yesterday as scientists revealed it is actually a bit like Sunderland.

GOOGLE'S new Instant search engine means consumers can finally start using the fraction of a second it used to take them to get a result.