Society

ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.

SARAH Palin last night claimed drug taking and having sex with tall muscly black men was the dream of every real American.

IDIOT journalist Johann Hari was last night roundly condemned by the usual bunch of self-regarding bullshitters.

AS many as 60 million slaves could be living in Britain, it was claimed last night.

COFFEE shop owner Tom Logan is about to murder the Mac user who has bought one cup of tea in four hours, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S last remaining posh person who does not show off and lets local kids play in her maze, was close to death last night.

DESCRIBING the semi-literate moral vacuums who looted England as 'feral' is wrong because Ken Clarke said it, experts have confirmed.

MINISTER are to tackle rising anger over new planning laws by pledging to dig more than 4m new Hobbit holes over the next 10 years.

POLICEMEN should go to bed fully uniformed so they can be ready to pounce at a moment's notice, it has been claimed.

GETTING an unusual object stuck in your facebone is still the best way of starring on page eight of Metro, it has been confirmed.