Society

THE incremental collapse of the system that provides everything has once again been overshadowed by a marginally better camera.

THE majority of British children should be excused from having to go to school, it has been claimed.

EVERYONE in Britain will today lie like a bastard about making the most of the sunny weather.

A VICIOUS paper cut has been the catalyst for a string of new and creative obscenities, it has emerged.

ONE change of undergarments is more than sufficient to maintain comfort and hygiene for seven days, men have asserted.

JEREMY Clarkson, the veteran broadcaster and denim enthusiast, has exploded at news of the proposed 80mph motorway speed limit.

A-LEVEL students should be judged on both their grades and their likeness to stout Yorkshire actor Brian Glover, it has been claimed.

A CAGE fight between two eight year-old boys has been condemned as utterly unmissable.

A SUMMER school for rioters will be full of tellys and tracksuits, Nick Clegg has pledged.

IRISH travelling folk will today reaffirm their ancient, mystic right not to have planning permission for their houses.