Sport

BLACKBURN Rovers have confirmed that Sam Allardyce will return to his post as regional sales executive for Ossett Windows.

MANCHESTER City cheese-before-bedtime nightmare Carlos Tevez has rocked fans by asking for a larger pen.

AUSTRALIA is to recall booze, strippers and late night hotel carnage to its humiliated Ashes squad.

NEWCASTLE United owner Mike Ashley yesterday predicted a new golden age for the club after replacing manager Chris Hughton with a battered copy of the 1972 Magpie annual.

BLEARY-eyed cricket fans are currently living in a confusing, surreal dreamscape where England know what they are doing.

ENGLAND'S bid for the 2026 World Cup will focus less on youth development and stadia and more on backhanders and polonium sandwiches, it has been confirmed.

THE man who comes once a week to trim my hedge is most animated by the prospect of which nation will host the football World Cup that coincides with the 500th anniversary of Raphael's overpowering vision of St Michael vanquishing Satan.

THE Premier League has seen its biggest weekend of epic, 110 percent giving since it was scraped off a wart on Rupert Murdoch's back.

THE Football Association is to investgate claims that Arsenal have staged a deliberate Manuel Almunia.

CLAIMS that a man who does sport is in some way deficient have been rubbished by another man.