Sport

LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez has blamed Sunderland's deflected goal on Chippy and Lyndsey, two nude invisible giants who, he claims, will do anything to thwart his happiness.

A RUGBY player has been handed a 12-week ban after injuring an opponent in an insufficiently violent way.

ENGLAND'S 1-0 defeat to Ukraine did not happen because no-one saw it, Fabio Capello insisted last night.

LIVERPOOL manager Rafael Benitez was last night clearing the family photographs from his desk after the club's owners gave him their full support.

NOTTS County have admitted their mystery backer has been old man Qadbak Investments this whole time.

THE Great North Run enjoyed its most successful year so far yesterday as record numbers of competitors managed to escape from Tyneside.

CHELSEA chief executive Peter Kenyon is to succeed Darth Vader when the Imperial enforcer steps down from his post next month.

EMMANUEL Adebayor has embarked on a cross-country quest to stick his business in the face of every Arsenal fan in the UK.

THE potentially fatal consequences of texting while competing in track and field events will be highlighted in a series of shocking adverts.

ENGLISH football fans were scouring South African guide books last night as the search began for the best places to fight and piss.