Politics

THERE should be more good things and less bad things, Ed Miliband will announce today.

ED Balls will today attempt to convince Britain that we have him confused with that smug little prick who ruined everything.

GEORGE Osborne may as well admit he had a night of coke-fuelled hooker sex even if he didn't, it has emerged.

CHANGES to constituency boundaries will lead to MPs fighting each other bare chested in a muddy hole.

LOUISE Mensch has become the number one cause of odd, conflicted stirrings among Guardian readers, according to a new poll.

DAILY Telegraph columnist Boris Johnson does not like being mayor of London anymore, it has been confirmed.

ED Miliband has begun his mental collapse more than three months ahead of schedule.

DAVID Cameron showed an unexpected level of front by calling out 200,000 heavily-armed killers yesterday.

GEORGE Osborne is to ring-fence the part of your brain that does not want to spend money on loads of stuff.

BARONESS Thatcher has agreed to meet Sarah Palin if she can whack her with a big stick every time she says something stupid.