Society

JUST over one third of the UK population is still claiming that same sex relationships are wrong while secretly dreaming of hot gay action, according to new research.

A MONTH after Christmas, thousands of shoppers are still unable to remove the taste of Morrisons from their mouths, according to a new survey.

A SPECIAL working class-themed private school has been established for the children of Labour MPs worried about social inequality.

THE inventor of the world wide web has unveiled a new website which could eventually reveal the precise reason why Britain is no longer a suitable habitat for human beings.

CLASS 4B last night said it cannot wait to meet David Cameron's new breed of unbreakable super-teachers.

SCOTLAND has woken up on the sofa, drenched in its own urine for the fifth time since Boxing Day.

A TORY government would use the tax and benefits system to reward families who sing together regularly or perform amusing skits.

NICK Clegg has renewed his attack on Gina Ford, claiming the popular baby mechanic looks like fat Nazi Herman Goering.

BRITAIN'S new drugs czar has claimed that cannabis can make dub reggae enjoyable for white people.

BUDGET cuts will mean Britain's universities will no longer be able to teach young people how to read newspapers and smile at tourists, it was claimed last night.