Society

AS studies showed mobile phones can fight Alzheimer's Disease, doctors last night urged people to call their grandparents before they go mental.

THE postponement of football matches across Britain could force men to have conversations about actual things, experts warned last night.

ONE in six children under the age of three are unable to say 'fuck' 'piss' or 'shit', according to new research.

IDIOTS producing smaller idiots will continue to be allowed to name them, it has been confirmed.

A CHARITY campaign for people spending Christmas alone has reminded them they could be with Liz Jones instead.

AS the latest cold snap brought Britain to a standstill, anger was growing over the country's inability to just say 'fuck this' and watch loads of DVDs.

TELEVISION audiences in the UK are increasing as the proportion of programmes that are functionally unwatchable hurtles towards 100%, according to a new study.

BEN Fogle has foiled an attempted burglary at his home, re-igniting the debate over what you can and cannot do to the TV presenter.

SIR Liam Donaldson, England's chief medical officer, was last night talking shit again.

SOCIAL order crumbled amid mass executions of sacrificial virgins as London was battered with a light dusting of snow.