Society

TEACHERS are to be given a list of all the teenagers they can legally have sex with, it emerged last night.

CHURCH of England vicars are to have the phrase 'full of shit' stamped on their foreheads, it was confirmed last night.

SIR Ian Blair last night admitted he should have shot London mayor Boris Johnson in the face when he had the chance.

THE Church of England is to offer couples greater choice on where they can lie about believing in God.

AN Englishman has successfully crossed the Channel to France using nothing but a car ferry.

THE government is to introduce legislation that will leave Britain in the clutches of voodoo, it was claimed last night.

A ROMAN Catholic high school will allow its pupils to receive inoculations against all types of cancer that do not involve their dirty, filthy private parts.

BROCCOLI is now the answer to any question you care to throw at it, according to new research.

NEW men last night said fuck this for game of soldiers and ordered their wives to make the bloody tea.

JK Rowling seems to exist in a fantasy world where Gordon Brown cares about something other than his own career, a leading psychologist said last night.