Society

BRITAIN'S supermarkets were last night accused of stocking the products their customers want to buy.

CHILDREN in the UK are now outnumbered by ageing psychopaths who devour every word of the Daily Mail, new figures reveal.

AN evil mastermind has offered £2 million for the missing memory stick containing the details of thousands of Britain's finest criminals.

THE temporary euphoria of Britain's Olympic success came to an abrupt halt this morning as millions of commuters remembered what an unmitigated shithole this country really is.

TYNEMOUTH council last night unveiled a new £5m park in its bid to become the European capital of giant, cock-based graffiti. 

TERMS including ‘frogging’, ‘donkey handbag’ and ‘eine Kane schaften’ have all been included in the new edition of the Chambers English Dictionary.

THE north of England is just so horrid and ghastly, according to a new report by some people who work in central London.

THE invention of an invisibility cloak was last night welcomed by those perverts who rub up against you on the train until they go off.

EVERYONE in Britain has been given three weeks to move house and then redo the bathroom as part of the government's plan to boost the ailing economy.

'LADS' magazines are filled with images that, for some reason, are not attractive in the slightest, a senior Tory MP said today.