Sport

ANIMAL rights activists have welcomed the removal of meat-processing machinery from next year's Grand National.

LEWIS Hamilton's recent dip in form is because he is actually in his mid eighties, it has emerged.

AMID unprecedented levels of schadenfreude, England said it is now time it had its own word for it.

IRELAND and France can look forward to a thousand years of being despised by vengeful dwarves.

CARLOS Tevez has foiled Manchester City's plans to discipline him by refusing to enter the room.

SOMETIME football club West Ham has added 'winning stadium bids' to its list of inabilities.

SEBASTIAN Vettel's 2011 F1 title means we can cancel the rest of the races, forever, it has been claimed. 

THE International Boxing Federation has suspended all future bouts after realising it is just two people knocking shit out of each other.

STUART Pearce spent most of last night turning down the chance to do stuff nobody asked him to.

CARLOS Tevez has undermined Manchester City's long term plan to spend whatever it takes to win something.