Society

NEW police guidelines on religious tolerance will include how to behave sensitively when being sacrificed to a Pagan deity.

REFEREES in the Scottish Premier League have been implicated in a betting ring worth over £10.

STEPHEN Fry is to meet with Britain's chief skank in a bid to defuse the row over his claim that women do not like orgasms.

THE international liqueur war was reignited last night after the chairman of Tia Maria was executed by a gang believed to be working for the managing director of Malibu.

MEERKAT celebrity Aleksandr Orlov has murdered and partially eaten several of his lower-status co-habitants' offspring, it emerged last night.

ENTHUSIASTIC workers should be treated just as harshly as benefit cheats, according to a new study.

ROMAN Catholic priests are threatening to strike on their busiest night of the year.

CHERIE Blair's sister has converted to Aldi, it emerged last night.

LONDON'S poor are to be culled after a child was bitten by an unemployed adult male.

MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.