Society

GREATER Manchester will be 500 square miles of smouldering hellhole by April, say experts.

A LEADING circuit judge has today issued an arrest warrant for hungry cartoon predator Wile E Coyote.

BRITAIN today threw its weight behind middle class children who deserve everything handed to them on a plate because they're all so very special.

FORMER England striker John Barnes has been accorded the status 'God of Nuts' after missing his son's birth to do a football thing.

RAIL passengers will be forced to spend their daily commute squeezed into the body cavities of other people, it has been confirmed.

THE Queen will be forced to spend up to three days a week blocking arseholes who leave comments on her Facebook page.

IAIN Duncan Smith will fulfil a lifelong ambition this week when he finally takes possession of his first batch of slaves.

SINGLE women are frustrated that men have a poor knowledge of comics, especially Golden Age titles and the DC crossover series.

A CUTTTING-edge bionic eye could turn the visually impaired into human speed cameras, scientists have claimed.

A POLICEMAN has remembered the names of songs and been able to use them in a sentence, it emerged last night.